Avoid the Perception of Playing Favorites

The surest way to alienate team members is to play favorites. It doesn’t even matter if you are doing it on purpose or not. Often times you are doing it and not even realizing it. The easiest way to end up appearing to be favoring team members is by giving them all the choice/critical assignments, or asking for their opinion more often than others. It is easy to fall into the trap of frequently going to the person that is most likely to get the job done or to provide you with the most valuable input. You are even more susceptible to doing this when deadlines are tight or mistakes cannot afford to be made.

It’s important to watch for this behavior. The other team members will often withdrawal because they do not feel that they are valued or are viewed as important to the team. It will have the greatest effect on the middle of the road performers. They are the people that have potential, but need nurturing. They need to feel engaged and interested. If they feel that they can’t get the good assignments or make a contribution they will look for other places where they can, or may just give plain up.

Alternatively, you don’t want to fall into the trap of giving the squeaky wheel all the grease. It is important to pay attention to the top performers, but it is all about balance. You need to spread out the attention and the workload. Try to find a niche for all team members. Make sure to spend enough personal time with each team member and remember that everyone has something positive to contribute. To bring out the best in all team members, do your best to maintain an environment where everyone wants to give their best.

Don't be a Distracted Listener

The way that you listen to people shows them how much you respect them and what they have to say. Are you distracted or are you focusing and giving your full attention? As leaders we are often busy and pulled in many directions at once, so there is a constant urge to multi-task. While you may think that you can pay attention to two things, and sometimes may be able to, it still sends a message to the person you are listening to. Any distraction that you engage in lets the other person know that you are not giving them your full attention. It says that whatever you are doing is more important than they are. If you are sitting in a meeting or having a conversation and you are typing on your computer, sending a text message on your phone, or even checking your watch, you are leaving a clear impression that your thoughts are somewhere else. You may have a thousand things more important to do, but don’t let the person you are communicating with feel like they are that low on your priority list.

Sometimes people may stop by your desk to discuss something with you and they catch you in the middle of something important. It is ok to ask them for a moment to finish what you are working on, or ask them if you can talk with them at a better time. I tell them that I want to be able to give them my full attention and let them know when I will be able to do that, whether it is after I finish typing a sentence, completing a thought, or simply a time later that day. If I have a few minutes but I have another commitment such as a call I am waiting for, I will tell them that I‘m already committed to something and offer to talk with them until that call comes in or if they would prefer, I schedule a later time. I will not offer to talk to them unless I will be able to listen and give them my full attention.

Think about how you feel when you are talking to someone who is not giving you their full attention. That’s certainly not how you want others to feel when they talk to you and definitely not an example that you want to set.